I think the grief storm set off by Grey’s Anatomy is passing.
It’s been almost 2 days since Derek died, since Meredith had to agree to terminate life support.
Almost 2 days since I was triggered back in time to relive that day.
I realized last night when I was telling someone else what had happened and I managed to tell it without my voice hitching, without tears welling, that the storm was passing.
You see – this is how I know that the healing, the learning to live without him, the moving forward in life is happening.
A grief storm lasts a day or two, not a week or two.
It doesn’t take over my life, it just puts me in that place for a short time.
Even then – in the middle of the grief storm, I still managed to finish a 1500 word research paper, go to my last class before finals, and do a recycling run. Even in the middle of what would have debilitated me before, I was still functioning.
Grief is so very overwhelming. It is so intense, so painful, so horribly mind-numbing at first. It destroys you. It leaves you struggling to breathe, struggling to get through one moment at a time.
But it doesn’t stay that way. It eventually eases, and there’s joy again. And you plan a life, you build a future without your person. And when a grief storm hits… it affects you for a while… then lets go again.
For you who’s reading this in your first year, second year… it does get better. Even on days it doesn’t feel like it is, it does. Eventually the balance works out, and you have more days of joy than you do of sadness.
I still love Mark. Enormously. I still love him, miss him, talk to him. I have days where the grief is more than I can bear.
But it did get better. And it still is. It’s easier to live with, the missing him. It has become a part of my skin, a part of who I am.