The “Perfect” Widow

WTF does that even mean?

Seriously?

I was accused of trying to be the “perfect” widow – go to all the widow camps, connect with all the widowed people, have all the widowed friends, blog about what it’s like to be a widow, hold on tight to the memory and love of a dead guy…. ?

I *have not* dealt with the death of my husband.  Not in any *meaningful* way.

I have adjusted to the pain and the grief.  I have found joy again.  I have lost that joy.  It still sits there, the pain and grief, snuggled up just behind my heart, waiting for a moment I least expect it to claw it’s way to the surface again.

I am living a full, rich life.  I am living it alone, but it’s me and my boys against the world.

So WTF?  What does it mean to be a “perfect” widow?

I’m not perfect at anything.  I wasn’t a perfect wife.  I wasn’t a perfect girlfriend.  I am not a perfect mother.  I fail to be perfect at as a sister, a daughter, a friend, an employee, a co-worker or a human being in general.

I am not perfect.

I am just me. 

I myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” – Augusten Burroughs

I am just me.  I am broken.  But I am healing.

Kintsugi My_Bruised_Heart_by_murtada_king (1)

And I will not deny a part of me, a life that was forced upon me, an event that irrevokably changed me.

I am a mother, I am a sister, I am a daughter, I am an employee.  And I am a widow.

It is a badge I wear with pride.  I loved someone until his last breath.  And that, my widowed, non-widowed, about to become widowed friends… is a magical fairy tale they said did not exist… I loved him as long as he lived. 

And I will love him as long as *I* live. 

Mar & Jane Wedding

 

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2 thoughts on “The “Perfect” Widow

  1. Tara says:

    Uh, that was rude of them to say that! Obviously NOT a widow themselves.
    “It is a badge I wear with pride. I loved someone until his last breath. And that, my widowed, non-widowed, about to become widowed friends… is a magical fairy tale they said did not exist… I loved him as long as he lived.”
    Agree with you here 100% and feel exactly the same way. Yes, I have a “new” man that I adore, who just happened to be my BFF way way back, but I still had EXACTLY what you had and it was ripped away from me in a snap, unexpected and totally against my will and I resent it to this day. THAT, I will never have again, because my husband is dead.

  2. Tara says:

    PS. I had someone compare their breakup with their long-time girlfriend, actually try to tell me it was the same. Eff you. Your relationship fell apart and disintegrated to the point you separated from each other. Mine was ripped apart by death. I am convinced that NOBODY understands it unless it happened to them…and they actually still loved their mate.

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