Slow sinking

For the past 4 or 5 days…. I’ve felt this slow sinking into sadness and grief.

The weight of his death getting heavier and heavier.   Yesterday I could feel it in my shoulders and neck. It would occasionally overwhelm me and I’d end up in tears.

It’s an interesting observation.  I hurt so much ibwant an escape.  I want to not feel.  But I know that it’s temporary. I know that when I get through today and I wake up tomorrow… I will feel lighter.  And each day as it comes will also bring the ascent back to enjoyment of my life.

Littler dips happen during the year.  Those dips are not as devastating and not as painful…. but this one…. I fell like I am being dragged down in quicksand…. like someone keeps piling lead blankets over me one at a time…

Tomorrow they’ll start to come off.

But today…. today is about remembering.   Actively remembering who he was and how much he meant to us.

Today, 3 years ago…. my life changed irrevocably.

Mark in Fruitvale

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