I am content these days.
I miss my Mark every day. He was my love, my sexxy man. Had a lovely conversation with his brother last night… was feeling so incredibly lonely and then out of the blue Wade calls me to catch up.
I miss Mike every day. He was mo chroi. It’s so weird to know he lives 5 mins away from me and we’re just *not* together. I don’t know if we’ll find a way back to each other. I wish him happiness either way. I hope he finds what he’s looking for, even if that’s not with me.
I have a tattoo for each of them on me. They are both forever a part of me.
But overall, I’m content with my life. I am more or less happy with the direction my life is going. I have amazing opportunities appearing in my life. I’m slowly building a circle of friends who I enjoy spending time with. My boys and I are getting along and I think I’m doing fairly well with this whole ‘single parenting teenaged boys’ thing.
I said to someone about 2 months after he died… “If he wasn’t already dead I’d kill him for leaving me to raise teen boys by myself!!”
But I think I’m doing ok.
I’ll be ok. I still grieve. I still cry. I still have moments/days of intense loneliness. I curl up on my couch those days and pretend I’m being snuggled from behind.
But mostly… I’m content. It’s a weird place to be, content. It hasn’t happened in at least 4 years.