When my husband went into the hospital, I had a team, a community who came together and took care of my kids and ran my life.
Then he died, and they all came together and took care of me until I could take care of myself again.
I left my community on the promise of a future.
It’s been 2 years, and I know it takes 3-5 years to create a community again. Minimum. It’s starting here, slowly.
But I felt crapy the other day… which always leaves me hypervigilent about symptoms and checking and is this serious? Do I need to go to the hospital? Can it wait until the doctor’s office opens?
And… then I thought yesterday… what happens if I end up in the hospital?
Who takes care of my kids?
When I was living with my Metalhead Poet, I just believed he would be there for me, and take care of our life if I couldn’t.
Now… I don’t know who… who’s the first person I would call?
I’m not partnered, so that’s not an option.
My best friends live 3.5 & 9 hours away. They’d probably both here, but… they’re far away.
My derby friends? I don’t know that they’d step up the way my Squamish team would. Some of them? But I don’t know.
Either of my adult children? I wouldn’t ask them… they both have babies of their own and live in different towns than me.
My new friend Janene has said she would…. but she has 2 kids of her own in a different age group.
My sisters would absolutely. But they’re in diferent towns. Hard enough on my boys if I end up in the hospital, but if they have to leave all their friends?
Short answer? I don’t know. And it makes me feel… lost?
Lost my Love. Lost my Metalhead Poet. Left my friends. Lonely as fuck.