When I was in employment flux, between my first and second seasons at BC Wildfire, I went to a career counsellor, jumped through some hoops and decided on Licensed Practical Nurse as my upgrade/career path.
- The amazing nurses who inspired me.
- To be of service
- To be there for other people going through what I went through (simliar to #2)
- Mobility OR stability.
What I didn’t remember… was it was something I had thought about a long time ago.
This was part of an update post on April 13, 2012. Almost 3 months after he initially went into the hospital.
I can’t do a point/arrow/highlight on a picture in a wordpress blog, but right in the middle… It says..
“If I could do it over again I would go into nursing or surgery because that was AWESOME to watch.”
“I would go into nursing”
And yah. In 2 months, I will be in nursing.
It was meant to be. It is happening.
I know for a lot of widows/widowers, the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is cause for white hot rage, seriously offended, going to throat punch the speaker reactions.
For me? It’s the truth.
Everything happened. For. A. REASON.
I am exactly where I should be in my life.
I am doing what I am supposed to.
All avenues, all options have closed off and the path towards nursing is brightly lit, clear and safe.
I know where I’m supposed to go from here. I can see the way, and without EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED…
I wouldn’t be here.
I’d be in Squamish still (miss my friends!) working with Co-operators, selling life insurance and probably doing an amazing job at it.
I’d have a husband who requires round the clock care with a recovery measured in years not months.
I’d be exhausted. My kids would come second to my husband’s needs. My husband would feel guilty about that. He’d feel helpless and hopeless and lost and a burden. I would probably spend more time trying to make him understand that he’s not a burden than just loving him, because he’d need that from me, from us.
The reality is, life would have amazing beautiful moments. I would still be Mrs. Mark Smith. I wouldn’t resent it for a moment. But it would be my life, focussed entirely on my husband.
But now, I’m allowed to shine.
A friend of mine blogged a long time ago… he gave me my life back. I know that he’d be here if he could… but in the end, he loved me, loved his family enough to let us out of the limbo we were in. He loved us enough that he would have fought if there were any real options left. But there weren’t. So he let go, and let us move forward.
And now… where I’m supposed to be is coming to fruition.
I love him so much more for being willing to let go. For doing what’s best for EVERYONE, instead of holding on and keeping us in that holding pattern. It shows how amazing of a person he was. And I wish everyone who reads this could have met him. Could have known him.
He was so incredible and I was so blessed to have been loved by him. So blessed to have been his wife for 13 years. So blessed to be the mother of his children. So very blessed to have loved him to his last breath.