I debated where to put this, on my widow blog or fitness blog. I’m still not sure which is the best place, but it’s both so… meh.
Today at school we were going through hospice training. The training involves digging deep into empathy and feelings. We got to talk about death and dying and grief and mourning and how to best help the families and patients as they go through this.
I started the day with Bailey’s and coffee. First thing.
I wanted just enough to keep the edge off. It didn’t work. So I drank more.
And I cried my way through hospice training.
The first coffee finished, and the facilitator started reading a poem. I had caught a glimpse of the poem and left for more coffee. I still had Bailey’s left and there was enough to make me comfortably… relaxed. Filled my cup with coffee and managed to get back to the room just at the point of the poem finishing.
I cried my way through the rest of the training.
I cried for three freaking hours.
After the hospice training, we went into the nursing lab, and talked about what would happen with a body. How it would look. What would be happening with it. We got a body bag and talked about the family and their rituals and what they would want. And I watched and listened while memories of Mark after he passed superimposed over the visual of the mannequin laying there.
And I cried some more.
Some classmates and I went to Boston Pizza.
We had pitchers of sangrias.
And I spent the afternoon getting inebriated. And more inebriated. And thank goodness for my commuter dude who could drive home.
I got home at 5.30pm. Derby was at 7pm.
I was day drunk. And then had to go to derby practice.
Not a good combination.
I practiced. I hurt more than normal. Had trouble breathing. Couldn’t push myself the way I normally do. But I practiced. And I tried to focus.
But I was either still drunk… or I was hung over. I wasn’t on my game. Our head ref said to me… “You’re not moving the way you normally do” which… duh. 😛 I was either drunk or hung over. LMAO
I couldn’t have made it through the day without the drinking. But I shouldn’t have drank. But I needed it.
I laughed with my classmates. I laughed a lot. And had a good time. And got drunk. I needed it.
But day drinking and derby don’t mix.