Father’s Day

I made it through Father’s Day.  I made it through the day mostly because I had been riding on a derby high from 3 bouts in 24 hours.

I got home, emotionally crashed, and slept.

The missing him, it’s visceral. Every day that goes by is another day further from him being on this Earth, from him being at my side, from him getting to see his children and grandchildren.

How do I explain to his grandsons who he was and how amazing he was? How can I get them to understand?

Short answer… I can’t.  They’ll never know.

The countdown of days is on. I had a breakdown on the way to school yesterday. The weight of the day of his death gets heavier with each day. I know… or at least I hope… from past years, that it will lighten up again after the 26th, but for now, I’m simply walking through my days, hoping I don’t crash and burn.

I miss him.

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2 thoughts on “Father’s Day

  1. julep67 says:

    Last week, on the 15th, was the 1 year anniversary of the day we found out that my husband’s cancer had returned and he was given 3 to 5 years to live. The next day, on the 16th, it was 10 months since he died (doctor’s really had NO clue huh??). The weight of those two dates together was very very heavy and actually made me physically ill to the point that I had to stay home from work one day. I cannot imagine what I’ll be like in August when it’s a year. I’m on vacation at that time though so I can do whatever I feel like that day/week. Fortunately, regular day to day stuff seems to be easier to manage, I just can’t get a handle on these milestone dates.

  2. Camila says:

    Some dates are so hard and others past easier than expected. But I so agreen with you, I wish it were still June 1st. I wish the world would stop. I wish he kissed me goodbye just 12 hours ago. Why does time keep going?

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