You have a meltdown because it’s the day before your husband died.
You fall apart completely because it was the day that your husband decided he wanted to turn off the machines.
You sob uncontrollably because you can’t shut the memories off and they just keep hitting you over and over like you’re in an angry ocean that keeps slamming wave after wave into you.
You are a snotty, teary mess because it’s 4 years since he died.
And you’re doing it all in the arms of someone who is new in your life, and he’s perfectly ok with it.
That moment when you think… just for a moment, that the person holding you might actually be perfect (he’s not, not really but for that moment it felt like it)
And after, when you’re blowing your nose and apologizing for turning a lovely sexy romantic morning into a grief storm, he tells you that it’s ok, that you need to go through the emotions, feel them, express them because if you don’t you can’t heal.
It’s that moment when you feel, for the first time since your husband’s death, that you have solid footing under you again.