2 Weddings and an Anniversary

This summer has been my summer of weddings.

My nephew got married.

My friend renewed her vows.

My wedding anniversary is in 3 days.

The vow renewal was bittersweet, joyous and painful, and oh so heart tugging.  I cried.

You see, my friends, who are beautiful together, who you can see the love and the joy in them, renewed their vows in their 15th year of marriage.

Mark and I were supposed to have renewed our vows on our 15th wedding anniversary.

We didn’t get that opportunity.

So I sit there, with the beautiful people, watching them do exactly what I wanted to do, and say words I would have said, and I am sad for me, but oh so happy for them.

That was 5 days ago.

And in 3 days I get to “celebrate” what would have been 17 years of marriage.  Together 18 1/2. And loved forever.

It was a bittersweet night for me to be there, watch them go through that, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Apparently I’ve been invited to another wedding in a couple weeks.

I’ll celebrate her and the beginning of her life together with her new husband.  I’ll cry, and everyone will think they’re happy tears.  And I”ll pretend they are.

Because they don’t need the big sad widow ruining the beauty of a new beginning with the reminder of how it can end.

Weddings are amazing, beautiful, wonderful and bittersweet for me.

I have a new love/hate relationship with them.

My_Bruised_Heart_by_murtada_king (1)

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2 thoughts on “2 Weddings and an Anniversary

  1. patricepdx says:

    I’m a recent widow and the love/hate thing is tough for me too. A friend my age (divorced, now in her mid 50s) is an amazing, independent woman and mother anyone could admire. She was recently surprised with a wildly romantic marriage proposal from her longtime lover. I was moved to tears… full of joy for her, yet so envious.

  2. patricepdx says:

    Your writing is beautifully moving. I admire your strength.

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