In the various widowed communities I belong to, there seems to be a common thread of “year 5 is hard, why is year 5 so hard after everything has been going so well?”
I have a theory, as I enter into year 5 and things are starting to get hard.
You see, things are going incredibly well in my life.
I’ve met my Chapter 2 (the Sexxy Chef).
His family loves me and vice versa.
I’m in my last semester of the Practical Nursing program.
I’m buying a house.
I’ve got good friends.
And I’m sad. I’m weepy. I’m leaky.
So why is 5 so hard?
My theory is that because not only do we have the dates as triggers, we have the DAYS.
Mark got sick on Thursday, January 19, 2012. This year, after 5 years, January 19 falls on a Thursday.
So everything that happened… every change in health, every decision, every thing that affected the outcome… will trigger on the same DAY.
So on Thursday, January 19, 2017, I will remember that at 9pm-ish 5 years ago… I woke up from a nap on the couch to find him in the bathroom vomiting. That about 10pm we’ll have called and had the ambulance there. That on Friday, January 20… 5 years ago, the diagnosis will be given. That on Saturday, January 21 it will have been 5 years since he went into ICU. And 5 years ago, on a Sunday, January 22, I will be sitting with the charge nurse and the surgeon being told that my husband had only 5-7% chance of survival.
Not only are the dates the same, but the days are as well.
That’s my theory as to why year 5 is so hard.
It may be bullshit. But it is what it is. And this is year 5.