First set of tears this season was yesterday when my daughter gave me an early Christmas present:
I had posted about it… then lost the post. SO if the post magically shows up…well… yanno how heartbreaking it is for me to be a Nana without Grandpa here with me.
So tonight is Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve has traditionally been for me a fun night of wine, wrapping and staying up too late and being exhausted.
Last year was much the same – lots of wrapping. Mike & I were fighting, so it wasn’t full of love and laughter so much as just get’er done.
But the next morning… oh my gawd… the next morning, I was awakened by a song that just filled me with love.. filled me with joy. One More Sleep
Even now… that song makes me think of him, makes me think of our Christmas together. I was so looking forward to a good Christmas this year…
Then our life fell apart.
So this Christmas?
I get to grieve not only my husband not being here to celebrate the little man who’s going to turn 1 on his Auntie’s birthday (how cool is that!!) and sesame growing inside my daughter.. but I also get to grieve the loss of the man I was hoping to spend my life with. And I get to listen to him doing his Christmas stuff with his kids. And I get to grieve the loss of another love.
Christmas? Christmas doesn’t suck. It’s just lonely this year. *sigh*