I ended up in the ER last night.
I’m sure overall it was a combination of stress, anxiety and the energy drink I had, but I was having heart palpatations, sweating profusely, shaking, dizzy, lightheaded, and my left arm was achy.
So I went to the ER. I had a friend drive me.
We were conversing while we waited for tests, doctors, etc. I mentioned to the doctor and her that my husband had had 2 heart attacks. I told her that I didn’t think that my kids could handle another parent having a heart attack.
She agreed with me.
I said that their dad had had two heart attacks in 2009. That he just needed to stop having heart attacks…. oh wait. He already did.
I don’t know what happened, or why or where that came from. He’s been gone 2 years. He stopped having heart attacks 2 years ago. I have the record of his last heartbeat.
But there it was.
My friend just said, “I don’t know what to say to that”
And I started laughing, somewhat hysterically. And then I started leaking. Crying because for one single moment, one slip of the tongue, I forgot that he’d died.
How the FUCK did I forget that?
Seriously? Even for one moment?
I don’t know. But there it was. Something I hadn’t done in 2 years of widow-hood.
“He needs to stop having heart attacks… Oh wait, he already did”