Makes Me Sad… but you are not alone

I know how big our widowed community is.

I also know how many more don’t have someone to reach out to or choose not to.

I know how many people are alone…

But it still makes me sad to see my blog stats spike in views around Christmas.  Because I know that there’s that many more people who are lonely and missing their other half and don’t know how the future without them is going to look.

For those of you just finding my blog:

You are not alone.   You are welcome to contact me (sunnyjaneis at gmail dot com) if you need someone to talk to or listen or to just be on the other end of the phone with.

Some websites that have helped me:

Christmas without the person you were supposed to spend your life with is lonely and sad and overwhelming.  But you are not alone.

Reach out.  I have made some amazing friends because I did.

Love you all.  Have a Christmas… it may not be happy, it may not be merry, but it exists… and you’ll make it through.  I promise.  Just keep going… it does get different.  Not necessarily better, but different and easier.

IMGP5737My children and I, Christmas 2012; 6 months after Mark died.

JeremyJeremy James – grandson #1 – born January 2014 – a year and half after Mark died

Zeddicus Wellington – grandson #2 – born Dec 21 – three and half years after his death.

Life is beautiful.  Just wait for it… it may not be today… but it will be…


Adventures of Camp Widow Toronto – pt 2 – The Spaghetti Factory Dinner

We arrived at the hotel around 7pm after Angel & Sarah finally got off the plane.   We had to go FIND the car rental place, get the vehicle she was renting and THEN drive to the hotel.

Dinner reservations were for 8.

So we get there, say hello to everyone, check in to the hotel and then back to the lobby while we figure out how to get to the Spaghetti Factory.

There were about 15 of us.   A few more than would fit in the 8 seater vehicle she rented (which was oh so awesome to ride in, yo!)

I want to say 7 or 8 of us decided to walk.  It wasn’t that far.  Only 5-7 blocks.  The fun part is that I got cursory directions, looked at a map for 30 seconds and then I became “THE ONE”   You know – the one who knows where I was going?

<insert maniacal, hysterical laugh here>

I’ve never been to Toronto before.   I get lost WITH a GPS.   Seriously.  And I’m in charge of trying to get us there??

We head out.  My lovely friend Sarah, whom is a Canadian by osmosis (married one, birthed one, but never became one herself) and visits Canada a LOT, was on the lookout for where to buy ketchup chips, and if there was a Tim Horton’s coffee shop in the vicinity (for Timbits, don’tcha know! – they ARE different from whatever y’all have in the US)

As luck would have it, our route took us past 7-11 AND Tim Hortons.   So we knew.  We knew where to get the coveted items.

Several times during the walk I was asked… “Are you sure you know where you’re going?”

<I didn’t, but dont’ tell them.  I was hoping I remembered enough to get us there>

Finally… we arrive.   (In my head I’m going “YAY!!! I didn’t get us lost!!!)

We have this awesome spot in the restaurant that’s set up like a carousel.  I SO wanted to ride the horses… was convinced otherwise by people wiser than me who knew they wouldn’t hold…

I was sitting beside two awesome men.  (favourite place in the middle!!)


Arnie & I(photo courtesy of Arnie – his camera)

How do I describe Arnie?   Big, boisterous and someone you’d be blessed to have in your life.   Widowed just over 2 years.   Full of love to give.   And a flirt.  OMG such a flirt.   I had fun with him all weekend.

And David:

David & I(photo courtesy of Judy Kaan)

David was so amazing.  Widowed only a few months prior and here he was, in another country connecting with other widows/widowers.   I’ve been the one lost and alone before so I made sure to chatter with him and pay attention to him.  He was quiet, understandably so.   He was so sweet.   We agreed to share a bottle of wine, which turned into two, which turned into a lot of fun chatter and conversation.  I read his blog after and he had had a good time, which is what I’d been hoping for.

It was a good time.  Lots of fun, lots of laughter, lots of life and LIVING.

Spaghetti Factory Dinner

We had our dinner… and then came the walk back.

Yeah.  The walk back.

Did I mention there was a Tim Horton’s a block away from the Spaghetti Factory?

Yep, there was.  And it was closing at 10.   We had 15 mins to get there.   And Sarah and I RAN! LMFAO

Get to Tim Hortons, descend on the poor lady working closing (what do they do with the leftovers?  I’ve never been around a Tim Horton’s that wasn’t 24 hours??)  And ask for timbits.

How many?  She asks…

All of them.

There’s this confused look on her face….  A..a..all? of them?

Yep.  All of them.  We’re going to take ALL of them.

86 timbits.

She was nice and only charged Sarah for 80 of them.

But yeah.  She bought EIGHTY-SIX timbits at 10pm.

And then proceeded to eat them on the walk home.  Shared a few with a homeless lady (Gawd Arnie… really? she’s diabetic???)  and headed back to the hotel.

It was a night SO full of laughter, memories of people we’d lost but mostly laughter for me.   I know another woman, Angel, was honouring the 3rd anniversary of her wife’s death and Judy was honouring the 3rd anniversary of her husband’s death.    And we all had losses or birthdays near… but it was so lovely to just BE.

And be silly like clearing out all the timbits in the store.

And skipping along on the walk home.

And flirting with men I’d only see for the weekend and then not likely again for at least a year.

And smiling.

And laughing.

And forgetting for a moment… just a moment in time… that I’m different than everyone around me at home.  That I carry the weight of loss, the knowledge of death, the uncertaintly of life with me all the time.   But at Camp Widow… I get to forget that because WE ALL do.

The next morning… the timbits made their rounds…. but that’s for part 3…