You Get To Go Home

I met you on day 2 of my new job.

You’re excited because you got your catheter out and are peeing on your own.

You were talking about the modifications you’re making to your home because you don’t want to go into any sort of home.

You don’t know how hard it was to smile at you and be excited for you.

You get to go home.

Your wife gets to bring you back home.

You get to hang out with your children and grandchildren.

You get to go home.

I want to know though… at what point will it stop breaking my heart because I get to watch you (and others after you) go home, but I never got to bring Mark home?

Adventures of Camp Widow Toronto – pt 6 – Home is Where the Heart Is

Sunday morning at Camp Widow involves a buffet breakfast, packing up and saying goodbye.

While chatting with various people, part of my focus was on making sure I didn’t have to pay for the cab myself… it was ridiculously priced.  They had a board that was set up for people to share a cab, and I connected with Miri from Vancouver.   Sadly we weren’t on the same flight, and we weren’t even in the same terminal so there was no waiting together.

Then we connected with Debbie.  Fantastic woman.  Love her and her resiliance.  She had already pre-ordered a cab to take her back to the airport and agreed to let us join in with her.    So instead of a $65 cab ride it was $25 each or so.

Michele made another very lovely speech.   During the speech she announced that there would be a delay because the road was closed and we needed to make sure we got to the airport on time.   I talked to Miri and Debbie and we all agreed to leave at 11 so we could all make our flights.  I had the longest wait – their flights were sooner than mine.

I made the rounds, getting pictures with people.   I didn’t get as many pictures this year.  I don’t know why.

Ann-Marie & Me Kelley & Me Michele & Me Sarah & Me Stacey & Me Taryn & Me

I had volunteerd to help take down things after breakfast.  With the road closures, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t leaving anyone stuck – so I checked with Diane.    Things were ok.  There wasn’t much left to pack up so I felt ok about being able to leave.

I went back to the Camp Store… bought a couple hoodies (one for me, one for Mom) and then it was time to get ready to go.

Connie and I headed up to the room to do final packing and be ready to go.   I packed up my stuff, and headed back to the lobby.

Usually, when I leave a hotel room, I do a sweep – under beds, in the bathroom etc.   But because Angel & Judy were staying another night, I didn’t think to do it.

I left my angel cards behind 😦

I was meeting Debbie & Miri in the lobby for 11 so that’s where I planted myself.   Connie wanted to run down one last time and say goodbye.

Last year, I missed out on saying goodbye to Carrie – this year, I missed saying goodbye to Connie.

I choose to believe it’s because they’re meant to be in my life and that I’ll see them again.

The ride to the airport was an awesome one for getting to know each other.  I sat in the front, Debbie & Miri in the back.  We were actually in a limo type car, not a cab.  It was quite luxurious 😀

We got to the airport, and started looking for our gates.

Miri was the first to go – hugs all around and she headed off.

Debbie and I had longer to wait, I figured we could wait together and chatter and get to know each other, but it turned out that my flight was out of terminal 2 – which was a trainride away.

I bought us coffee – she’d never had Tim Horton’s coffee before – and she looked up and saw that it was the Tim Horton’s 50th Anniversary.  Another sign from her husband and son.   She was so tickled about it.

Timmies for Two

We had to go our seperate ways.  She was leaving later but I had further to go.   We hugged, and said our goodbyes and then it was off to terminal 2 for me.

The wait and the plane ride were uneventful.  I managed to get to where I needed to go almost exactly when I needed to get there.  Had I left the hotel any later, I might have missed my plane.

My Kathy was waiting for me at the airport.   I was heading to her house for the night – getting some Kathy time in.

I offered to drive – she doesn’t like driving in the city much.

For the first time in… ever… I managed to get turned around.  Seriously.  Everything is marked.  All the signs are there.  I still managed to go the wrong way.

We hooked up the GPS, and it took us right past Vancouver General Hospital – where Mark died.

Same time of day.  Same car.  Same route.  After Camp Widow.  And I go past VGH.   Made me smile, this time.   No tears.  Just a hello to Mark and the memories.

We got to Kathy’s house and had dinner.  I miss her so much.  I miss my friend and the connection we have.

As a bonus, Michelle showed up!   She was supposed to be at derby but she ended up showing up at Kathy’s so I got a bit of a visit with her as well.

Morning took me back to Quesnel and back to my home and family.

One thing I noticed…. things changed.  Or I did.  But everything felt different and I expected it to all look different… but of course after all of 5 days, it didn’t.  It was just me.  Camp Widow does that to you.   Changes things inside you so that you see the world differently.

I miss my Camp Widow peeps.   I miss the ability to just “be” and not worry about who I might upset or make uncomfortable with my feelings.

I’m grateful to have had the Camp Widow experience.

I’m hoping to go next year.  There’s Camp in Tampa in February, San Diego in July and Toronto again in September.   Financially – it doesn’t make sense for me to go.   But emotionally – I know I need to.

Home is where the heart is.  But Camp is what keeps me sane.  Camp lets me feel normal again.

Well Loved 2014