Since I’ve been travelling back and forth between Squamish and Quesnel, I keep driving over the Duffy Lake Road.
There’s this one spot on the road as you’re travelling north where people have collected rocks and put initials on the side of the hill.
I’ve been wanting to put Mark’s initials there for a while now.
Usually – I have some excuse – we’re running late, it’s too dark, I didn’t realize where we are and it’s not safe to stop, I don’t want to stop, blah blah blah…
The other day, we were driving along, and I came to that spot, and we decided to stop.
We gathered rocks.
We did a trial run on the ground.
Then we carried a laundry basket full of rocks (it’s friggen heavy y’all!!!) up the side of the hill.
We put his initials there… took some pictures… then headed back down. Got in the van, and I realized, I’d forgotten to leave the dime.
My lovely Katie ran back up the hill to leave the dime for us.
Mark has been leaving dimes for me forever – it seems fitting that I should leave dimes for him.
Carrying the basket gave me blisters where my ring was. It had to come off. So I took off my wedding ring, put it on the chain that held my memorial pendant… and there it stayed.
I used to wonder how my step-mom could go without wearing my dad’s rings and pendant. I didn’t get it. Now I do.
There comes a time when you look at the past, and realize that despite how beautiful and amazing it was… it was the past, and you’re living in the now.
I miss Mark. I miss him with every fibre of my being. When I stop and think about the enormity of losing him, it takes my breath away, punches me in the gut and leaves me gasping in tears. I can’t imagine life without him.
But I am living. I have children. I have a home. I have a job. I have an amazing man who is my Chapter 2. I have a story that is not yet over and I have a beautiful amazing future ahead of me.
My pendant and my wedding ring reside in my jewellery box now. It feels like the right time. I will always love Mark. I will always miss Mark. I will always always always carry him with me.
He’s a part of my soul.
And my future is full of possibilities, promises and love.